Thanks, Dashboard Cat!

getyourspoons:

But the bedroom could use a little work.

involvingmeinvolvingyou:

If you wanna be my lover

You’ve gotta throw huge parties to get my attention and get your neighbor to invite me over for tea then let me run over my husband’s mistress in your car 

(via ilikegirlssowhat)

fuckyeahbradneely:

America, Now - Topic: Morale

…

This is the most motivating thing I’ve seen in years.

jesuschristvevo:

brushing your teeth at night is a difficult thing to do because its like a semipermanent decision once you brush your teeth thats it you cant eat for the rest of the night and i just never know if im willing to make that commitment

(via reminder-to-self)

kim-jong-chill:

bill grates invented michaelsoft

(via frigmund-seud)

andrewestes0:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who panics while ordering food at restaurants

(via reminder-to-self)

getyourspoons:

Steve doesn’t believe your crap and neither do I!

(via ilikegirlssowhat)

northernfrownpour:

some people are so good at talking like they open their mouth and out comes good ideas and perfectly constructed sentences and they have confidence and everyone listens to them talk

but when i talk it’s like hello morning yes butter homework wiggle book good

(via ilikegirlssowhat)

I just applied for a job at Funk ‘n Waffles. And then realized my name is graffiti-ed on their wall of graffiti.

I’m not sure how they’ll take that.